Hi Gowthami,
Ee message nenu closure kosam matrame rasthuna.
Reply kavali ani kaadhu. Explanation kosam kaadhu.
Nuv unblock cheyyali ani kaadhu.
Natho matladali ani kaadhu.

First thing, sorry.
Nijanga sorry.

Nenu chala sarlu thappu chesanu.
Naa behaviour lo, naa reactions lo, naa communication lo.


Nenu chala fights chesanu.
Chinna vishayalani pedda issues ga chusanu.
Nee medha pressure create chesanu.
Nenu arichanu.
Kopam lo matladanu.
Hurt ayye la words use chesanu.
Ninnu mentally torture chesanu.
and you are still carrying those words with you.

Nenu cheppina “I’m not restricting you” ani,
actual ga chusthe emotional ga ninnu restrict chesanu.

Nuv silent ayinappudu, nenu adhi ardham cheskolekapoyanu.
Space ivvalsina place lo pressure chesa.

“Solve cheyyali” ani cheppi,
same issue ni hours hours repeat chesi,
ninnu mentally, mentally chala ante chala disturb chesanu.

Naa insecurity, naa fear, naa overthinking
anni nee thapulu ga ne paina blame vesa.

Nenu emotional ga chala dependent ayya.
Nuv busy ayinappudu, nenu neglect ani feel ayya.
Nuv multitask chesinappudu, nenu important kadhu emo ayinattu feel ayya.


Adhi nee thappu kaadhu.
Adhi naa insecurity.


Nuv em cheyyali, evaritho vellali, eppudu vellali avi nee life decisions.


Naa emotions ni manage cheyyadam
nee responsibility kaadhu.
Adhi naa responsibility.

Nuv vere vallatho spend chesina pratho moment ni loss ga feel aya, cause i always spend my day with you like this is my last day, thats why i crave for every moment, kani nee kuda oka life undhi alochinchaledu, vammo nen inni thapulu chesana?. actually inka unnai ra.
Adhi naa insecurity kani I don't know that I am restricting your freedom. 


“Nenu idi maanesa, nuv enduku idi chesthunnav” ani adiganu.
Adhi love kaadhu, adhi emotional pressure. you were right, you have the every right to question my love,


Nee side ni full ga vinakunda,
okkasari “overreact avthunav” ani anna.
Adhi cheppina roju nunchi nuv malli share cheyyadam asalu correct kadhu ra, actually naa stories darunanga untai ani annav, ani nen chepadam maneyadam correct aythey nuv nee side chepadapodam kuda correct ey ra, and actually nen nuv naa stories ni ignore chesthunav ane chusa gani, nuv elanti position lo unnav, nen elanti story chepthuna, asalu nuv free ga unnava? evami adagaledu.
I was wrong. Nee feelings kuda important.

Nuv nee friends tho, nee interests tho, nee world lo undali ani anukunnappudu
nenu support cheyyalsina place lo question chesanu.
Compare chesanu.


Nuv bayata vellina time,
nuv enjoy chesina moments,
nuv navvina laughs
avi nannu vadilesi kaadhu.
Avi nee life.


Oka important vishayam clear ga cheppali
Nenu epudu kuda
nuv inkokaritho tappu ga untav ani
alochinchaledhu. nen aa pani cheyalenu ra, i can't, endukante nak alanti thoughts asalu ravu.
Overthinking naa problem. kani overthinking lo kuda nak aa thoughts raledu.

Ee simple truth nenu epudu ardham cheskoledu.

monna night issue gurinchi clear ga okati chepthunna
nen epudu kuda
“nuv inkokaritho thiruguthunnav”,
“wrong ga behave chesthunav”,
“nee character gurinchi [no nen analenu]”
ila alochinchaledhu.


Naa discomfort ni
anger tho, pressure tho,
wrong way lo express chesanu.


Kaani naa behaviour
nee freedom ni question chesindhi,
nee character ni kuda question chesindhi.
Adhi nenu kaadhu.


“I can’t take it” ani cheppadam honesty anukunna,
kaani adhi nee freedom ni question chesindhi.

Nuv nannu vadilesi vellaledhu.
Nuv nee happiness kosam vellav.
asalu ee vishyam apudu telsina, enduku consider cheyaledu..

Nijam cheppalante
nenu abbayini ani,
naku 12–1 AM aa time ki bayata unde right undi ante,
niku enduku undakudadhu?

Nuv em thappu cheyyaledhu.
Nenu wrong
purthiga nenu wrong

Nenu ninnu human being la choodalsindhi.
Gender pakkana petti,
nee decisions ni respect cheyyalsindhi.

Naa past, naa trauma, naa insecurities 
avi reasons avvachu,
kaani excuses kaadhu.

Naa behavioural patterns chala toxic unnai:

– Extreme emotional dependence
– Possessiveness disguised as honesty
– Shouting
– Overthinking and monitoring
– Expecting you to communicate like me
– Taking your independence as rejection
– constant reassurance kavali anukovadam
– silence ni handle cheyyalekapovadam
- ammo inka chala unnai ra.

Ee traits anni
ninnu hurt chesayi.

and i failed to make you feel safe around me.

Nen manchodni ani prove cheskovadaniki idi kaadhu.
Nen toxic traits unna manishini ani accept cheskuntunna.

And still
thanks.

Inni issues madhya kuda
nuv naa lo manchi chusav.
Even when I was at my worst.
Thanks for that.

ee messsage nuv emi deserve chesthav ani cheppadaniki kaadhu.

Idi okate cheppadaniki, nenu tappu chesanu, not one time, not 100 times, (nak ee keyboard lo infinity symbol daratledu) anni times chesanu.

nee life lo entha mandhini dooram petav, ayna you brought me close to you, dooram petakunda, and you know what please, i beg you, even though i did, please dont ever feel like nannu kuda dooram petunte bagundu ani, adhi nee thoughts but please try not to think like this, please, i begging you, kani i dont know edhi ela chepalo, parledu alochinchu alane, adhey correct. Ee thought nek vasthe, adhi nee experience, adhi naa behaviour 
Nenu danini judge cheyyanu, dhenini cheyanu.

Ee message ikkade end avuthundhi.
Ee version of Sai Teja kuda ikkade end, not me, but that insecure, angry, fearful character who questioned you wrongly..


Signing off,
T. Sai Teja
(Toxic Sai Teja)
(That T in my name denotes Toxic Not My initial). 
And i have realized it.